It's been a year

It has been a year since Mike left my life so abruptly and the pain is still as fresh as the day he died. I often wonder if the pain will ever go away - or if I even want it to. As if letting go of the pain means I am letting go of him. There have been so many things over the last year that have made me smile/laugh and cry all at the same time because they were things that reminded me of Mike or of times when we were growing up. But the hardest thing that I face is his son Anthony. To see Anthony and to be around Anthony is like seeing a little Mike and being around a little Mike - it is so hard, yet so wonderful at the same time. Sometimes I can't bring myself to call him to say HI and let him know he's in my thoughts because I know I will start crying. But, other times I love to know that I am going to see the little guy because it's like seeing Mike.

I know that Mike has not been forgotten by anyone who loves him. I know that some people may not think about him on a daily basis like I do, but I am sure that just the same they still treasure the good times they had with him. I still have Mike's email address in my address book and I often send emails to him via 'cyberspace' because I feel as though somehow he is getting them. I don't think I will ever be able to erase his email address, it's just not something I want to do.

I talk of Mike daily and have even shared memories of him to total strangers...they probably think I'm a total nutcase- but hey, who says I'm not ;-) I listen to music I've never listened to before because it's music I know Mike liked. I've read books in the last year by authors I only knew the names of because of Mike. I know that Mike is with me on a daily basis and through the books, music and memories he will continue to be with me wherever I am.

Stephanie L. Taylor